Love Letter – 1

My Dearest,

I sit here tonight, at my usual study desk, in a pensive mood. The wind is playing with the curtains and the moon is out in the sky for her nocturnal walk. I just don’t feel sleepy enough to crawl under my sheets yet. I am thinking of you. I have been thinking of you all the while… But I could not decide what to do with my thoughts—they are unfolding and wrapping themselves up at their own will. Ultimately I settled with the decision of jotting them down. I do not think you will read it ever, but if you do, you’re sure to smile at my utopian escape.

I am thinking of the first day our eyes met. You sucked out all of my restrain and self-control right with your smile. I realise now, that even then, when I was with you, I didn’t care to be someone else other than someone you can feel I am. I realise that with you, that day, that moment, I gave my heart, its beats and the life in it to you.

There are many sayings on love where people have spoken of two hearts that beat as one or two bodies that share one soul… I don’t think I can identify with that at all. But what you’ve made me feel is what I do believe in that we are two minds, two souls, two hearts, two people who long to find a rhythm of existing and continuing together. I always looked to find that spontaneity, that breath of freshness, that rejuvenation in our friendship that developed into love, trust and understanding.

I often have dreams like walking along the shore, with our shoes in our hands and fingers tightly knit, during a sunset. Or, I see us standing together under pouring rain and looking at each other to share smiles, to share a compassion and devotion… I do not know if you feel the same things like I do, or I am more like a teenager in love even after all this time… But I do not care. I love you because I love it. You complete my picture. You are my paint-brush that I use to colour my sketches. You are my thought that creates the pictures I ultimately paint and hang on the walls of memory.

When we kissed for the first time, I can still feel the warmth of your love, the taste of your lips, the feel of your touch, the tickle of our eyelashes crossing each other… When you held me to your heart and I breathed with you, hoping to match your heart’s pace, I ended up counting your heart beats!

How many times, I have stayed awake with some strong coffee, praying for some amazing idiosyncrasy to fill in my day dreams but ultimately when I am ready to fall asleep, in all my tiredness, a picture of you caressing my loose hair, my sleepy eyes, my fatigue-smothered face, has been the last standing impression. I think that is more important…

I never had a problem trusting you. I never had the thought that I cannot. You are always so complete in your presence that my smile that took birth from you, never fades! I am thinking still and it seems never-ending… When we made love for the first time, you made me so comfortable. I did not feel ashamed at all. Why? I never lost my respect as a woman when you looked at me. You made me feel special from the core of the heart. I never realised that you saw, you learnt, you you felt me in any other light other than of pure love. I think, very deep, selfless love and mutual respect does bring out such a feeling. It was wonderful then and it has been just as wonderful and like the first time even today!

You have become more alive in my mind with every passing day and in these years, I have learnt of a different kind of existence where your presence has become my world. I do not know why I am writing all that I am writing… I guess, I just feel like talking to you… But I know I can’t…

There have been times when we have had bad, angry fights and have resolved into hugs and tears. What is appreciable is that we tried hard not to repeat the same mistakes again. We take so much care into trying not to hurt each other and we are such beautiful friends that our relationship is…what I’d say, different…

I have this feeling every time you look at me that you look so deeply into my eyes that I feel that your reflection in them can also make out further reflections! Deep inside, my heart leaps because it beats beside yours… I know I live in you and you live in me… And we’ll be so forever…

I think I should drop my ink tonight… I promise to tell you more soon… My coffee is almost over and the thoughts of us are all crowding up too much for me to sort right away. When I write to you again, I’ll tell you more about this feeling inside…

Yours forever,

Love you….

Copyright 2014. Amrita Kar Roy. All Rights Reserved.


2 thoughts on “Love Letter – 1

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