My dearest, my dream-catcher,
How you manage to weave a dream for me every time I try to sleep and make me smile is something I need to understand. Not because you do it too well, but because I want to learn how to do the same for you. Here I am, waiting for you. I know you’ll not come but I guess I just like to wait because I know one day soon, you will. The hope is good enough to pass the days.
Sometimes I wonder if in all my craziness for you, I miss out on telling you how important you are to me. Do I miss out on it? On a random post somewhere I had read a line that I would love to tell you now… If there was one thing that I could give you, it would be the ability to see yourself through my eyes. Then you’d know, all that I don’t express, all that I shy away from letting you know, are there, in my heart that beats for you.
I don’t want you to tell me you love me always. I don’t want you to find out ways of making me feel special always. But I want you to understand me. You know I’m different. I can’t be too lady-like. I’m crazy. I am cranky. I am so difficult to love at times… But in all those difficult moments, when you’ve forced me into an embrace, kissed me till my tears stopped, didn’t let go till I stopped trying to free myself, I have fallen in love with you over and over again.
If you’re around, I can find your presence in the air I breathe. When I look at you, I see who I am to you. When I hear your voice, I can feel it resonate inside my head… Is this really love? Or, is this really belonging to each other? If I open my hands and think of you, I can feel the touch of your skin, the softness of your face, the tenderness of your smile in between my fingers. I smile back… I’m smiling now…
I know I get out of hand sometimes. But the very fact that you understand that it’s just me and I’m like this and accept me the way I am, is something very special. How you hold my hand and keep me from falling. How you kiss my forehead and look into my eyes with a smile than condescends every other feeling. Even in your absence, what I am writing is what I feel I’m telling you.
You often tell me I’m beautiful. But I’ll tell you the truth—you make me beautiful. You reflect myself to me in such a way that I wonder how a reflection can be so different! That’s why I understand… You love me very much. I’ll wait and always be there for you… Just come home, come home to me.
Copyright2014. Amrita Kar Roy. All Rights Reserved.